My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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