last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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