wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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