I like my sex mixed with concussions.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The uberlube is also flammable
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
