What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
