You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
