Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
