Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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