why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
