just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
