you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
