What did we do last night that was yellow?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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