he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
