If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
