Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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