Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
