Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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