Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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