He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
