and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
