my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if only i could text you this smell
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
