i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
