I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
