oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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