mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
