For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
