Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
