if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
