Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
