You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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