She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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