I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
