dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
