he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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