the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
