What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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