I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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