you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
