There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The chlamydia really affected his face.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
