i need an iv and a liver transplant
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
