So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
