FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
