I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
