He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
