you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
