Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
