Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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