i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
