What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
