You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
